venting...

I'm trying to be a better person a better version of me, the person God had intended me to be.
I try so hard to do the right things. I try so hard to stay positive... but i always focus on the bad; The things i am having trouble with. The things that aren't going the way i want them to. I often dwell on things and tend to overanalyze everything way too much. I hate that about myself. When something is wrong or bothering me i tend to surround my thoughts around those things.

I wish i wouldn't let everything get to me. I wish i didn't have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This only makes everything worse then it really is to me. I hate thinking too much. I feel sick.. then which causes the feeling deep down in your throat.. like a knot that you cannot swallow.

I haven't been in the greatest moods as of lately.. this seems to be an on and off theme for me. feeling depressed is nothing new.. i try to keep busy to get my mind off of things. but most of the time its hard to find the same joy in things that i love to do (like singing & photography).
I'm trying to stay strong and leave it all up to god. I know there are others out there that have it much worse and when i think about it that way i don't feel as bad, but i feel like crap and think that i am a selfish jerk for caring so much about how bad I'm feeling.

i don't know ...I just hope i get through this rough patch and some how break away from my anxiety's. but till then I trust in god that he will help me through and only make me stronger from it.